It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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