How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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