in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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