my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
