im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
