guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
