Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm like, not good at living.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
