I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
