shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
