Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize