You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
