I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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