I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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