you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
