Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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