Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
