Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
