Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
MIDGETS
????
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
