God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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