Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize