I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
