the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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