apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
