Plan B is the new Plan A
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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