she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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