We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
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You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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