do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
