i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
