Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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