I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
