Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
