well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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