tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
