i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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