So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
