Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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