bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
