end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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