Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
