If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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