i think my mom watched the whole time
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
