I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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