he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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