Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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