I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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