The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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