he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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