it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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