so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
