Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I want a musical about memes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
