Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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