U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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