He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
