to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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