Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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