You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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