but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
