You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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