i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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