it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
be right there i have to get my cape
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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