i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
