Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
