Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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