I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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