Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
